


baby maybe

by noodlehouse



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Chinguline, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-17 10:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2305712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlehouse/pseuds/noodlehouse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun screws everything up, Chanyeol eats as a coping mechanism, and Jongdae and Kyungsoo are just along for the ride.</p>
            </blockquote>





	baby maybe

“So. How was it?”  
  
Baekhyun snorts.  
  
“Look, Chanyeol, you can stop asking for starred reviews every time we have sex. But 4.8 out of 5.” Chanyeol yelps in laughter and reaches over for a high five, which Baekhyun grudgingly returns before they lapse into a comfortable silence.  
  
In the dark, all Baekhyun can hear is Chanyeol’s uneven breathing from the left side of the bed and the night sounds of the city. There’s yesterday’s rainwater running steadily down the gutters, a police siren a couple blocks down, and it’s between the soft jersey sheets of Chanyeol’s bed at midnight when Baekhyun really, kinda believes in happily-ever-afters and functional monogamy.  
  
"Okay, I'd better leave before it gets too late."  
  
Baekhyun makes to push himself off the bed when Chanyeol grabs his wrist.  
  
“Can't you stay?" Chanyeol draws out the last syllable imploringly. There's the glint of his "irresistible" puppy dog eyes in the dark, and Baekhyun wavers inexplicably.  
  
"I guess I could stay the night, if you want." It's not like Baekhyun has never slept over. Strangely, Chanyeol stills immediately, and there's almost a palpable change in the atmosphere.   
  
"Or, uh, every night for an indefinite period of time."  
  
Baekhyun freezes. A train whistle sounds, and everything goes distant. Tomorrow, he'll blame it on the literally mindblowing sex he just had, but it takes Baekhyun a good second to realize that,  _oh, he wants to live with me._  
  
"Chanyeol, I think we should break up."  
  
(When Baekhyun rushes off at midnight, jeans slipping down his ass and hair a disaster, it registers that he has left a few things in his wake. Among them--his phone and a huge, huge mess.)  
  


  
  
  
When Baekhyun comes to in his own apartment at four in the morning with a pounding migraine, no phone and a catastrophe, he does what any 24 year old would do.  
  
He sends an all caps email to his best friends (excluding the boyfriend-- ex-boyfriend?-- he ditched a couple hours ago) pleading for their counsel. Then he passes out on the floor before the guilt catches up with him.  
  


  
  
  
As planned, Baekhyun grabs a windowside table at his favourite pretentious cafe a few minutes before the time he specified in his message and, as planned, Jongdae and Kyungsoo arrive together a few minutes after the time he specified in his message.  
  
“What the fuck is this?” Kyungsoo says indignantly as he approaches Baekhyun’s table at an alarming speed with a bemused Jongdae at his heels. Kyungsoo is jabbing a piece of paper which, upon closer inspection, turns out to be a printed screenshot of Baekhyun’s panicked email. He sits roughly into a chair across from Baekhyun and stares him down with his cereal bowl eyes, and Baekhyun feels his balls retreating inside him. Jongdae gives him a sympathetic pat before pulling a chair up next to Kyungsoo.  
  
“So,” Jongdae starts, his mouth curling upwards amicably. “What’s your ‘EXTREMELY IMPORTANT EMERGENCY’? And why couldn’t you just text us? You should be thankful that Kyungsoo is literally a crypt keeper and is awake early in the morning.”  
  
“I am a medical examiner.”  
  
“You touch corpses willingly.”  
  
Baekhyun rolls his eyes. Jongdae and Kyungsoo have a long history of not agreeing on what Kyungsoo does for a living. Kyungsoo insists that his work is extremely rewarding and that society is in great debt to him since he is a vital asset to the police department. Jongdae firmly believes that “no, dude, it’s just creepy.” Honestly, Baekhyun is glad that Kyungsoo has found a livelihood that satisfies his love for upholding justice and the colour of blood at the same time.  
  
“Hey, no, I’m not sitting through one of these arguments again,” Baekhyun cuts in and snaps his fingers twice rapidly. “Back to me.”  
  
Kyungsoo glares. Baekhyun grimaces. “I may have done something horrible,” he starts.  
  
“If you’ve killed someone--” Jongdae leans forward across the table, eyes shining.  
  
“No. God, no. Why does every conversation between us go straight to death. It’s, like, noon,” Baekhyun waves his hand dismissively. “I may have...I may have…”  
  
“We don’t have all day.”  
  
“I may have broken up with Chanyeol. Last night. After sex. When he suggested we move in together. After being together for three years,” Baekhyun babbles. "I think I fucked up." His eyes flicker to his friends to gauge their reactions. As Jongdae opens and closes his mouth soundlessly, Baekhyun takes a moment to truly let the gravity of the situation sink in. “I broke up with Chanyeol,” he whispers, staring into middle distance.  
  
“You fucked up,” Kyungsoo’s gaze hardens.  
  
“Yeah, gonna have to go with K-soo on this one. You really fucked up.”  
  
A group of high school girls look over curiously as Baekhyun buries his face in his hands and shrills.   
  
“What do I even do? This is awful, I’m awful.”  
  
Kyungsoo crosses his arms. “You’re going to fix this. You’re going to talk to him and you’re going to make things right.” For a split second, Kyungsoo’s gaze softens. “Baekhyun, you can’t keep running from this stuff forever.”  
  
"This stuff" being any form of commitment in a relationship. Baekhyun thinks of all the meaningful anniversaries he's missed, all the parents he's never met, all the promises he's left unspoken. His track record as a boyfriend is spotty at best, horrific at worst. Some part of him, like an abused dog, wants to keep it that way.  
  
"What if I don't talk to him. What if we just...break up."  
  
Jongdae almost chokes on his scone.  
  
"You're kidding right? You're going to break up with Chanyeol? Forever?" The permanent smile on Jongdae's face is fading fast. Baekhyun doesn't even want to know what Kyungsoo's face looks like right now. He fiddles with a napkin.  
  
"I don't know. I'm not ready to move in with him, and I don't know if I'll ever be. Maybe if I let him go now, it'll hurt less than doing it later down the road." Baekhyun knows a thing or two about avoiding pain, he's been doing it all his life. It doesn't make sense to stop now, he reasons. He waves away mental images of Chanyeol's stunned, hurt face from last night like a champ.  
  
"In the end, that's your choice. But for once, I want you to think about the decision you're making and ask yourself what you really want," Kyungsoo says evenly. Jongdae nods gravely before checking his watch.  
  
"I need to leave since my lunch break is almost over. And Kyungsoo probably needs to head back to the Underworld or wherever he works," Jongdae jokes, as if reflexively trying to lighten the mood. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes unappreciatively, already pushing his chair back to stand up. It's moments like this that Baekhyun is reminded of why he has been friends with them for a good chunk of his life: they fit together, they make sense. Then he remembers that, on a normal day, Chanyeol would be here too, laughing too loudly, talking too much. Baekhyun methodically swallows the thought as soon as it bubbles up. Avoid unpleasant emotions at all costs, that's his M.O.  
  
"Keep your phones on, I might want to get drunk soon."  
  


  
  
  
A brief history of Baekhyun and Chanyeol.  
  
Skinny, vulnerable eighteen year old Baekhyun leaves home for college, heart already tucked places far harder to find than his sleeve. Halfway across the country, seventeen year old Chanyeol carries a guitar case, an infallible brand of optimism, and admission papers to the same school.  
  
A brief history of Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae.  
  
They meet at freshman orientation, and quickly hash out a wobbly friendship with an owlish kid with a sharp wit and a kid in a The Flash shirt who literally exudes charm. And just like that something takes root.  
  
A brief history of Baekhyun-and-Chanyeol.  
  
One winter night, Chanyeol wraps his woolen scarf around Baekhyun's neck and spends the rest of the walk to the dorms shivering. Baekhyun kisses those blue lips in the quad, and Chanyeol's smile lights up the cold, navy sky. A few months later, Baekhyun can sing love songs like he means it and believes in a few more things than he did before.  
  
  


  
  
It turns out you can't break up with someone you've been with for years without a little whiplash. Or in Baekhyun's case, a lot whiplash.  
  
As soon as he makes it back to his apartment, shit hits the fan.   
  
Joonmyun calls first, asking in an irritatingly patient voice whether Baekhyun is "holding up okay" or if he needs to "have a good cry". Baekhyun hangs up immediately when he starts listing useful self help books. There are some concerned Facebook messages from Jongin, Sehun, and Yixing, which he replies to with a couple reassuring words. Minseok and Luhan leave a message on Baekhyun's answering machine when he's in the shower, which is predominantly just a distressed Luhan rambling about compromise in relationships and an exasperated Minseok trying to shut him up. Baekhyun doesn't call back.  
  
He's two episodes deep in the beginnings of an SVU marathon before he starts wondering how everyone knows about The Break Up already. He's five episodes deep when he realizes Zitao, who knows everything about everyone, has taken to the Twitter and blogosphere to publicize the event. It's mostly a flurry of confusion and curiousity, peppered with crying emojis. "i wonder what our little friend group is going to be like now :'(((" one tweet reads. Baekhyun runs his thumb across the words on his laptop's screen and wonders too.  
  
Baekhyun spends the evening very deliberately not thinking about Chanyeol, eats a microwave soft pretzel for dinner, and calls up Jongdae as soon as night falls.  
  
"Can you give me a ride to the trashiest club you know?" Jongdae sighs, loud and long into the receiver, but agrees.  
  
"Rebound Byun is back," Jongdae mumbles before hanging up.  
  
At the club, some seedy place Jongdae found downtown, Baekhyun is surprised to find Kyungsoo already there nursing a light beer. He turns to Jongdae.  
  
"What the hell? I can't hit on people with him here, he's wearing a turtleneck."  
  
"I'm here so Jongdae has back up if slash when you do something stupid and need to be restrained," Kyungsoo says bluntly and sips his drink delicately. "Also I like the ambience."  
  
"As expected of a dude who lives in a morgue."  
  
Kyungsoo just shrugs.  
  
"Whatever," Jongdae claps Baekhyun on the back and guides him to a barstool. He signals to the bartender, grinning. "Get my friend here an appletini, on me."  
  
One drink in, Baekhyun is already a bit tipsy. Three drinks down the road, he's just about mopping the counter with his face. And his tears.  
  
He somehow ends up snotfaced and clutching desperately at Kyungsoo, rather than finding new sexual partners.   
  
"I LOVE HIM, YOU KNOW? I LOVE CHANYEOL SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS TO LOOK DIRECTLY AT HIM SOMETIMES. LIKE HE'S THE SUN. BUT I CAN'T BE WITH HIM. DO YOU GET IT NOW?"  
  
Kyungsoo wrinkles his nose. "No."  
  
"I'M SCARED I'LL END UP LOVING HIM MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF. THAT CAN'T HAPPEN."  
  
"You're not really making sense right now, just drink your fruity cocktail," Jongdae supplies helpfully. Following instructions, Baekhyun downs it in two gulps.  
  
"CHANYEOL DESERVES SOMEONE BETTER THAN ME. SOMEONE WHO CAN LOVE HIM THE WAY HE LOVES ME. YOU KNOW? EASILY? UNCONDITIONALLY? NO STRINGS ATTACHED?"  
  
And just like that it stops being about the "moving in together" issue. Or maybe it was never about the moving in together issue. Maybe the issue was always just himself and his fear of forevers. Baekhyun floats on that current of self-hatred a little bit, before Kyungsoo cuts in.  
  
"This is pathetic. Jongdae and I were at Chanyeol's place all evening today watching him inhale a tub of ice cream and listening to him go on and on about how beautiful your bone structure is and how he hates himself for scaring you off. You need to actually communicate. And I don't mean via that weird eye contact telepathy thing you guys have that no one else understands. I mean real words. Jongdae and I can't keep running around trying to solve your problems for you. Act like adults, for once."  
  
Baekhyun stares slackjawed.  
  
"Man up, ByunBaek," Jongdae adds.  
  
(Later, when Jongdae and Kyungsoo are loading Baekhyun's limp inebriated body into the backseat of Jongdae's sedan, Baekhyun will nose himself into Kyungsoo shoulderblade and mumble "Chanyeol" over and over again. And Kyungsoo will let him.)  
  


  
  
  
Baekhyun always thought he was the master of break ups. He did have a lot of experience. So, when the first week sans Chanyeol he's had in years rolls by he starts to wonder why the dull ache in his chest cavity still isn't subsiding. He also wonders when he’ll stop inching through his life on muscle memory. Whenever he sees a dog, he reaches for his phone to text Chanyeol a picture, only to realize his phone’s gone, and so is Chanyeol. Whenever someone laughs loudly in a public place, he whips his head around, searching. Whenever he passes by the convenience store, he buys a pack of Doritoes, except he hates Doritoes and Chanyeol loves them. Artificial nacho flavouring never tasted so bad.  
  
At the very least, everyone except Kyungsoo tries to be sympathetic about his situation. “Hang in there, hyung,” Jongin says kindly over dinner at a Chinese food place near the dance studio he helps out at. Joonmyun becomes even easier to swindle for gifts when he’s worried about you, so Baekhyun ends up with new headphones and shoes. Jongdae comes over once in a while to update him on Chanyeol’s condition, but Baekhyun never listens. Then they drink wine coolers and watch Disney movies on the couch.  
  
So, really, it’s not all bad.  
  
Until one Saturday morning Baekhyun pours an entire bottle of bleach into the washing machine, and ruins everything. He tries to make breakfast for himself and ends up with cuts on his hands. When he goes to the grocery store to get band aids, they’re on the highest shelf, the only shelf he can’t reach. Baekhyun ends up just standing in the aisle, staring blankly at Hello Kitty band aids and thinking about how, if Chanyeol were here, he’d get them for him and play fight over which of the pink flowery designs they wanted. Something snaps inside of him, and says: enough.  
  
Outside, he finds a payphone and dials the only number he knows by heart.  
  
“Chanyeol? We need to talk. And bring my phone.”  
  
  


  
  
At eleven, Baekhyun starts to wonder if Chanyeol is coming at all. He’s also hopped up and anxious, but a beer has solved that. A few beers. When the clock strikes midnight, like some kind of fairy tale, the doorbell rings. Baekhyun suddenly feels very small, and the urge to puke at the thought of confronting Chanyeol face to face.  
  
“Chanyeol,” he whisper-yells from behind his door. “Can you leave my phone in my mailbox? And just go? Please?”  
  
“What? No. You said you wanted to talk. I’m not leaving until we talk.”  
  
“Okay, fine. But I’m not letting you in. We can talk through this door.”  
  
“Don’t do this to me, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol’s muted voice comes from beyond the door. There’s some shuffling noises, and a thump. “It’s not fair. It’s never fair. Why won’t you let me in?” There’s another soft thump, which Baekhyun guesses is Chanyeol hitting his head against the door. Chanyeol’s words also have that telltale slur that Baekhyun knows from college parties and trips to the bar.  
  
“Are you drunk?”  
  
A pause. “Uh, maybe. Are  _you_  drunk?”  
  
“A little bit,” Baekhyun smiles in spite of himself. Now that he knows he’s dealing with drunk-of-his-ass Chanyeol, he feels a little more willing to say what he’s thinking, since Chanyeol will remember conservatively 20% of it tomorrow morning.  
  
“Good. We’re on the same page already. So, question one, why do you hate me and want to see me suffer?”  
  
“That’s a really loaded question.”  
  
“Answer it.”  
  
“I don’t hate you, okay? Not even a little bit. You know my problem with commitments. You know that, and you asked me to move in with you out of nowhere.”  
  
On the other side of the door, Chanyeol exhales.  
  
“Question two. Do you love me?”  
  
“Yes,” Baekhyun answers immediately, because it’s as simple as that. Yes. Always, yes.  
  
“Question four. Why won’t you move in with me?”  
  
“You skipped three.”  
  
“Don’t avoid the question.”  
  
“Okay,” breathes Baekhyun. "I don't know. I don't know anything. I don’t know why I broke up with you either. Just, if I move in with you, things will continue being great, and the next day we’ll be getting gay married in San Francisco, and the next day we’ll be dead. Maybe I’m scared of dying without accomplishing anything that doesn’t have to do with  _you_. I want you to be there always, but as a backup plan. I just want you to be there. I know I'm horrible."  
  
"You're so cruel. I don't believe in backup plans, or precautions, or anything else like that. You're my only plan. You're like Rome or whatever. All roads lead to you."  
  
Baekhyun almost breaks out in hives.  
  
"No. No, you're the cruel one." Chanyeol laughs, but Baekhyun presses on. "Really! You forgive me every single time like I'm something that's forgivable. I’m an asshole to everyone including you and you still want to live with me? Are you a masochist or something? Let me let you down one more time, so I can stop letting you down. Does that make sense?”  
  
“Not really,” Chanyeol chuckles. Baekhyun almost laughs along with him before he catches himself. For a second, it’s quiet, then Chanyeol starts talking again.  
  
"I want to live with you because I want to fall asleep to your puppy noises. I want to keep your ugly green toothbrush in my apartment. I want to record one of those awful couple answering machine messages with you. I just want to be with you, because I really think I could just waste time with you forever.”  
  
There’s a memory Baekhyun has locked away. It’s from their senior year in college, half a year after they started officially dating. Chanyeol dragged Baekhyun out on a hike through a mountain trail on one of the days neither of them had classes. All the way up, Baekhyun complained about the heat, and the dirt, and anything else he could think of, but Chanyeol had just kept climbing. Then, at the top, Chanyeol took his hand and led him to the edge, just as the sun was setting. Together, they watched the sky go from blue to purple to pink to orange. And Baekhyun had thought the same thing.  _I could just waste time with you forever._  
  
“That all sounds gross, but maybe that’s what I want too,” Baekhyun says, and doesn’t lie or anything. “I can’t promise you any forevers, Chanyeol.”  
  
“That’s okay. Just promise you’ll take the key I’m about to slide under your door.”  
  
The fear and doubt are still there, but Baekhyun feels a little brave tonight. He opens the door. Chanyeol lolls over the threshold of his apartment. Apparently he had been sitting crosslegged with his back against the door. He just lies there for a beat, before he scrambles to his feet sheepishly.  
  
“Why don’t you give it to me in person,” Baekhyun half smiles. Chanyeol steps closer to Baekhyun like he’s sleepwalking, or scared that he’s just a ghost. Then, all at once, he envelopes Baekhyun in his arms and rests his head down on Baekhyun shoulder. Slowly, Baekhyun pulls him in, and for the first time in forever, things are okay. Things are really, really okay.  
  
“You smell like a swimming pool,” Chanyeol says.  
  
(You smell like home, Baekhyun doesn’t say.)  
  
  


  
  
When Baekhyun wakes up late in the morning, he finds Chanyeol still asleep on his lap, their hands entwined. There's no voice in his head telling him to run.  _I could do this forever,_  he thinks,  _I could._  
  


  
  
  
“Chanyeol, get the door!”  
  
“I'm kinda preoccupied!” Chanyeol yells from behind the bathroom door. Baekhyun wrinkles his nose and gets up from the sofa. He opens the door, and finds Jongdae and Kyungsoo, both grinning.  
  
“Congratulations on the move!” Jongdae cheers and claps. “We have a housewarming gift for you.”  
  
Chanyeol chooses this moment to appear behind Baekhyun in the doorframe, wiping his hands on his shirt. Baekhyun mentally notes to buy some towels.  
  
“Hi guys, what's up?” Chanyeol asks, his eyebrows shooting up.  
  
Jongdae pulls out a square of paper from his back pocket and unfolds it. Kyungsoo grabs it from him and shoves it into Chanyeol's hand.  
  
“Uh, what is this?”  
  
“Your receipt.”  
  
“My what,” Chanyeol asks flatly.  
  
“A list of services you used, and the costs,” Jongdae sidles up next to Chanyeol. He points at the paper. “See, there's 'letting you cry on my favourite shirt' for $30, 'making you cupcakes at midnight' for $12.99, 'listening to you talk drunkenly and extensively about your sex life' for $50. Wait, the last one is Baekhyun's, but we figured we'd just give you one bill.”  
  
“Your total comes to about $345.98, but since we're nice people I'll knock off the 98 cents,” Kyungsoo crosses his arms.  
  
“I'm not paying for that, are you shitting me?” Baekhyun counters, and grabs the paper from Chanyeol's hands. “Here, take this back.”  
  
“You think friendship is free?” Jongdae scoffs. “Maybe next time you two break up and cease to function, you can learn to make your own goddamn chocolate fudge cupcakes.”  
  
Baekhyun is about to retort when Chanyeol wraps his hand around Baekhyun's fingers. “Or maybe there won't be a next time,” he says and smiles a smile that gives Baekhyun spots in his vision. And instead of the dull fear Baekhyun expects, he feels a warmth start to spread from within. It's a small change, a miniscule step, but he'll take it. He squeezes Chanyeol's hand.  
  
“Maybe there won't,” he echoes.

**Author's Note:**

>  **original prompt:** "Chanyeol is all domestic, while Baekhyun's a commitaphobe. Yet they have been dating for three years. Can Chanyeol change the mind of the ever-so-stubborn Baekhyun? - BaekYeol, AU  
>  (based on the lyrics of If that's okay with you, Shayne Ward: "I wanna keep your toothbrush at my apartment/ Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in/ I'm not crazy, I know what I'm getting myself in/ I wanna live with you, if that's ok with you)"
> 
> this was my first foray into the rpf fandom. first fic, first exchange, first everything. expect more from me soon, probably! title is from the snsd by the same name, which i was looping all throughout writing this.


End file.
